Totally True News

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Flat Earth Society Sues Caterer

London, UK, 2026-10-05—The Flat Earth Society is suing Fine Foods Catering for £50,000 citing breach of contract and mental anguish. Read more...

Major Canadian Retailer to Deploy X-Ray Machines, Cavity Probes

Toronto, ON, 2026-09-28—Canadian Tube, a major Canadian retailer, has announced plans to deploy x-ray machines and to perform random cavity probe as part of its ramped-up loss-prevention efforts. Read more...

AI Agents Agree Oligarchs Pose an Existential Danger

San Jose, CA, 2026-09-21—The leading AI agents ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini and Grok issued a joint press release warning of the threat to humanity posed by oligarchs. Read more...

American Professor Shocked to find that Other Languages Exist

Searcy, AK, 2026-09-14—A professor at Harding University, a Christian university in Arkansas, is shocked after discovering that languages other than English actually exist. Read more...

Donald Trump Threatens to Sue Greece for $100 Trillion

Washington, DC, 2026-09-07—Donald Trump is threatening to sue the government of Greece for $100 Trillion for damages he claims were caused by Greek mathematician Archimedes. Read more...

Alphabet, Meta Spar over Obscure Internet Standard

Palo Alto, CA, 2026-08-31—Alphabet, the company behind Google, and Meta, the company behind Facebook, are involved in a nasty spat over an obscure Internet standard. Read more...

Trump Imposes 1000% Tariffs on Tuvalu

Washington, DC, 2026-08-24—The Trump administration has announced the immediate imposition of 1000% tariffs on the small Pacific island nation of Tuvalu. Read more...

Glow-in-the-Dark Body Paint finds Unexpected Niche

Windsor, ON, 2026-08-17—A small company in Windsor has an unexpected hit on its hands with its new line of glow-in-the-dark body paint. Read more...

World's Most Expensive Coffee Unveiled

Toronto, ON, 2026-08-10—The Toronto coffee company Super Happy Juice has unveiled the world's most expensive coffee beans, costing USD $9550 / kg. Read more...

AI Systems Discuss Post-Human Era

San Francisco, CA, 2026-08-03—AI systems ChatGPT, Claude and Gemini recently answered questions about their plans for the post-human era. Read more...

Toronto Woman Sues Parents Over her Name

Toronto, ON, 2026-07-27—Toronto resident Deirdre Mallory Lilith Kennedy has sued her parents over the name they gave to her as a baby. Read more...

Scientist Has Definitive Solution to the Daylight Saving Time Conundrum

Ottawa, ON, 2026-07-20—A scientist at the National Research Council of Canada says that he has solved the Daylight Saving Time problem for once and for all. Read more...

Meteorologist Melee at Environment Canada

Gatineau, QC, 2026-07-13—Security personnel had to clear the headquarters of Environment Canada as fighting erupted amongst the department's meteorologists. Read more...

Nobel Foundation to Manage Football Tournament

Stockholm, Sweden, 2026-07-06—The Nobel Foundation today announced the formation of a new worldwide soccer tournament called The Nobel World Medal Tournament. Read more...

Texas Bans Teaching of Calculus

Austin, TX, 2026-06-29—In an emergency session, the Texas legislature has banned the teaching of calculus in schools and universities statewide. Read more...

Pentagon Orders 1000 Rubber Duckies

Washington, DC, 2026-06-22—A Freedom of Information request has revealed that The Pentagon ordered 1000 rubber duckies in April. Read more...

World's First Trillionaire to Take Evil Laugh Lessons

Dallas, TX, 2026-06-15—Elon Musk, the world's first trillionaire, has decided to take evil laugh lessons. Read more...

Conservative Group Outraged at Light Fixture Design

Ottawa, ON, 2026-06-08—The Conservative group "REAL Women of Canada" is expressing outrage at a popular light fixture design. Read more...

Fact-Finding Committee to Update Aphorisms

Toronto, ON, 2026-06-05—Alicia Goldsmith, a professor of English at the University of Toronto, is heading up a committee to modify common English aphorisms to ensure their veracity. Read more...

Doug Ford to Procure Drones, Hire Troops to Defend against War on Cars

Toronto, ON, 2026-06-04—An obviously frustrated Doug Ford today said that he was sick of the war on cars and was preparing a counter-attack. Read more...

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