Totally True News

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World's First Trillionaire to Take Evil Laugh Lessons

Dallas, TX, 2026-06-15—Elon Musk, the world's first trillionaire, has decided to take evil laugh lessons. Read more...

Conservative Group Outraged at Light Fixture Design

Ottawa, ON, 2026-06-08—The Conservative group "REAL Women of Canada" is expressing outrage at a popular light fixture design. Read more...

Fact-Finding Committee to Update Aphorisms

Toronto, ON, 2026-06-05—Alicia Goldsmith, a professor of English at the University of Toronto, is heading up a committee to modify common English aphorisms to ensure their veracity. Read more...

Doug Ford to Procure Drones, Hire Troops to Defend against War on Cars

Toronto, ON, 2026-06-04—An obviously frustrated Doug Ford today said that he was sick of the war on cars and was preparing a counter-attack. Read more...

Name Mixup Proves Bonanza for Fredericton International Fine Artichokes, Inc.

Fredericton, NB, 2026-06-03—A small family business in Fredericton has reaped enormous benefits from a name mixup. Read more...

VIA Rail Introduces New Measures to Compete with Airlines

Montreal, QC, 2026-06-02—VIA Rail has announced a new program to help it compete with airlines, especially in the Quebec City - Windsor corridor. Read more...

Absence of Contact Proves Universe Teeming with Intelligent Life, says Researcher

Toronto, ON, 2026-06-01—Astronomer Fran Gerard of the University of Toronto says that the fact no alien life forms have attempted to contact us proves that the Universe is teeming with intelligent life. Read more...

Elon Musk Outraged at Simpsons Palette Update

Los Angeles, CA, 2026-05-29—Elon Musk posted a blistering Twitter tirade lambasting "The Simpsons" producer Matt Groening for updating the animated series' palette. Read more...

Dinosaurs Were Delicious, Declare Scientists

Edmonton, AB, 2026-05-28—Scientists with the University of Alberta have sequenced the genome of two species of dinosaur found preserved in glaciers, and have given a verdict of "delicious." Read more...

Donald Trump Sues President of the United States

Washington, DC, 2026-05-27—In a move legal experts are calling "unprecedented", Donald Trump has sued the President of the United States for $100 billion. Read more...

Belgium Proposes Unorthodox Solution to End Linguistic Divide

Brussels, BE, 2026-05-26—The Belgian government is proposing an unorthodox solution to the linguistic tension between the country's Dutch- and French-speaking communities. Read more...

New Brunswick Woman Protects Son with Space Suit

Moncton, NB, 2026-05-25—New Brunswick mom Ellen Steeles is facing push-back from her son's school after she sent him to school in a custom-made protective space suit. Read more...

Electricity, Magnetism File for Divorce

Saggitarius A*, 2026-05-22—In a move that has rocked the physics world, Electricity and Magnetism have filed for divorce. Read more...

Trump Executive Order Declares Metric System 'Woke'

Washington, DC, 2026-05-21—President Trump signed an executive order declaring the metric system 'woke' and forbidding its use by any scientists who receive funding from the US government. Read more...

Alberta UCP Moots Novel Redistricting Proposal

Edmonton, AB, 2026-05-20—The Alberta United Conservative Party has floated a new proposal to end fighting over the drawing of electoral boundaries. Read more...

McDonald's Addresses Unhealthiness of Fast Food

Chicago, IL, 2026-05-19—Hamburger giant McDonald's is addressing concerns by shareholders that its food is unhealthy, and has made changes to ensure it remains profitable. Read more...

Trump DOJ Issues Subpoenas for Health Data of Left-Handed People

Washington, DC 2026-05-18—The US Department of Justice has issued subpoenas to multiple hospitals nationwide demanding details about left-handed patients. Read more...

Google, Facebook, TikTok to Require DNA Samples

Palo Alto, California, 2026-05-15—Internet giants Google, Facebook and TikTok have announced that users will be required to submit DNA samples to continue using their platforms as of October 1st, 2026. Read more...

AI-Powered Coffee Mug Solves Vexing Mug Problems

Edmonton, AB, 2026-05-14—An Edmonton startup has unveiled an AI-powered coffee mug that it claims can solve the many annoying and long-standing problems with existing mugs. Read more...

Rare Genetic Mutation Makes Cat Reasonable

Vancouver, BC, 2026-05-13—A Vancouver cat owner was surprised to learn that his cat has a rare genetic mutation that makes it reasonable. Read more...

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