Florida Passes "Don't Say G**" Law

Talahassee, Florida, 2026-04-23—In a vote along party lines, the Florida legislature has passed a so-called "Don't Say G**" law. In a signing ceremony late Thursday, governer Ron DeSantis said that the law is needed to preserve traditional family values and to stop people from saying "G**".

When asked what exactly the offending word was, DeSantis replied: "Haha! The fake media is trying to catch me out. I can't say the word because I'd be breaking the law." When reporters pointed out that "G**" is ambiguous, and could stand for any three-letter word starting with G such as "gas", "get", "gig", or "gym", DeSantis angrily retorted: "No more questions! We all know what the G** word that you can't say is!" and he stormed out of the room.

An official from the Office of Attorney General provided some hints. Arnold Federmeyer said "Well, the G** word rhymes with another word in the title of the law. And that's all I'm at liberty to say."

There are also reports that Florida is considering banning the words "tr***", "dy**" and even "w*m*n" as being contrary to traditional values. When asked if the law violates the US Constitution, Federmeyer said, with obvious frustration: "Some things are more important than the US Constitution, such as preserving the pure innocence of our children and fighting the G** Lobby!" When asked who were members of the "Gel Lobby", Federmeyer abruptly terminated the interview.

The ACLU is, of course, challenging this law. It is also asking for a preemptive ruling affirming the rights of Americans to call Florida Republicans "f*sc*st *ssh*l*es".