Schrödinger's Cat Allegedly Behind Attacks on Pavlov's Dog

Darmstadt, Germany, 2026-04-28—A nasty spat has developed between two neighbours who are descendants of famous scientists, as they bicker over the behaviour of their pets.

Vasily Pavlov, great-great-grandson of the famous Russan neurologist Ivan Pavlov, has accused his neighbour, Maria Schrödinger, great-granddaughter of famed physicist Erwin Schrödinger, of negligence regarding her pet.

"Maria's cat viciously attacks my poor innocent dog every chance it gets," said Pavlov. "In fact, I think she has trained that beast to go after my dog."

When we spoke to Schrödinger to get her side of the story, she was in the middle of looking for her cat. "He sometimes hides in this cupboard," she said, "but I'm never sure if he's in there until I open the door to check."

"This whole miserable fight is Vasily's fault," she said. "You see, my cat was killing so many birds—they have a hard time both locating him and estimating his speed—that I had to put a bell on his collar. Now, that stupid Vasily has trained his dog to respond to a bell. So every time my cat goes out, the dog comes running and slobbering. Any attacks from my cat on the dog are purely self-defense."

Pavlov said that his dog had begun suffering from panic attacks and the only solution was to separate the two animals. "They simply must not be allowed to be in the same place at the same time. I wanted to build a barrier, but Maria refuses to pay her share."

For her part, Schrödinger says that since it's all Pavlov's fault, he should pay if he wants a barrier. "My cat is outside, all calm and down to earth, when that stupid dog rushes up and excites him. Well, before he can return to the ground state, he has to get rid of some energy, so of course he lashes out!"

In a strange twist, Totally True News discovered that both Schrödinger's Cat and Pavlov's Dog are named "Otto". The European Physical Society sent a strongly-worded letter to both of them, demanding that they give their pets different names, as giving them the same name "is a violation of the Pauli Exclusion Principle as it pertains to furryons."