Law Firm Sues The Planetary Society on Behalf of Roman Gods

Pasadena, CA, 2026-05-07—The Planetary Society is being sued by a law firm claiming that certain planet names were used without permission of the Roman gods who originally bore those names.

The law firm of McCullen, Smith, Smith and Weintraub is suing the society over the planet names Mercury, Venus, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter and Neptune. Donald Smith, the attorney in charge of the lawsuit, issued the following statement: "My clients' good names have been attached to planets without their consent, and this has caused them grave financial harm. We are seeking damages as well as royalties for the continuing use of my clients' names."

James Kirk, the aptly-named attorney for The Planetary Society, said: "We intend to mount a vigorous defense. Plaintiffs have no standing to sue inasmuch as they are mythological, and existence is a necessary precondition for standing."

When asked about this, Smith said "My clients value their privacy, which is why they haven't been seen all that much for a couple of thousand years. Nevertheless, I intend to prove their existence, even if that means having them testify. Messrs Mercury, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter and Neptune, as well as Ms. Venus, have been so damaged by this egregious misuse of their names that they are willing to put aside millenia of privacy to pursue justice."

Totally True News asked Smith how exactly the gods had been damaged and he replied "Well, for example, if you search for 'Jupiter', all of the top hits point to a gas giant. This is defamatory; Mr. Jupiter is actually quite a slim and athletic fellow. And while Ms. Venus admits to being hot, The Planetary Sociey has taken this to ridiculous extremes."

Smith indicated that Mr. Saturn was seeking additional damages for the weekday name "Saturday", as well as the word "saturnine". Smith said "Mr. Saturn, once you get to know him, is quite a funny and cheerful person—well, god, actually—and the word 'saturnine' has caused him immense damage and distress."

Smith also indicated that his firm was interested in getting in touch with the Norse gods whose names were appropriated for names of weekdays, and indicated that his firm could come to an arrangement whereby it sought no fees up front, but would take a portion of any lawsuit winnings.