Google, Facebook, TikTok to Require DNA Samples

Palo Alto, California, 2026-05-15—Internet giants Google, Facebook and TikTok have announced that users will be asked to submit DNA samples to continue using their platforms as of October 1st, 2026.

Igor De Vil, communications director for the Online Service Providers' Association, says that collection of DNA is done to improve online safety and enhance the user experience.

"Allowing us to sequence their DNA provides users with many benefits," said De Vil. "For example, if you start getting ads for heart medication on your Facebook feed, you know now that you should probably take it seriously. And having DNA on hand will allow us to detect psychopaths more reliably."

When asked what the tech giants would do with the knowledge that someone is a psychopath, De Vil was vague. "Oh, you know, we might tweak the algorithms to platform them a little more. No wait, actually, no, we'll use that knowledge to prevent them from abusing our systems. Yes, that answer. Not the platforming more one."

And when Totally True News asked De Vil about privacy implications, he was dismissive. "You're leaving DNA samples everywhere you go. Anyone who wants to can collect and sequence it as long as they have massive budgets like our members. So the cat is already out of the bag. Why not supply your DNA to us so we can really get to know you well?"

De Vil said that DNA collection would initially be voluntary, but that it will become mandatory as of April 1st, 2027. "Law-abiding people have nothing to hide," said De Vil. "So there should be no issue with us collecting the very blueprint of their being."

As for reports that the giants will sell DNA data to insurers who can deny people medical insurance, De Vil was noncommittal. "We sell our data only to the most trusted partners, and they have to agree to our stringent code of conduct."

Totally True News was supplied a copy of the code of conduct by an anonymous whistleblower inside the Online Service Providers' Association. It consisted of only a single sentence: "Don't get caught."