Career Advancement

26 September 2016

Copyright 2016 Dianne Skoll, based on an improvisational sketch with Ben Diaz. All Rights Reserved.

[A man and a woman are waiting at the bus stop. They eye each other occasionally.]

Man: Um, excuse me.

Woman: Yes?

Man: Hi. I really like your handbag. It's very pretty.

Woman: Oh, thanks! Thank you.

Man: [Takes out gun] [Threatening voice] Gimme that fucking purse!

Woman: Oh my God! Oh my God! My first mugging. And you don't even look like a mugger. This is so exciting! So... so, what happens next?

Man: [Normal voice] Well, you see, I demand your purse. We've done that step, so we can check that one off. And then, I think, you're supposed to put up resistance....

Woman: Oh. I can do that! "No. No! You cannot have my purse!"

Man: Excellent. Well done. And then, you see, I sort of... threaten... you with this gun.

Woman: Oh wow. That's dark, isn't it?

Man: [Threatening voice] Give me your purse or I'll blow your head off.

Woman: Wow. You're good at that! What now?

Man: [Normal voice] Well, um, you give me your purse.

Woman: OK, here you go. [Woman hands man her purse] And then?

Man: [Threatening voice] If you call the police, you're dead meat! I know who you are because I have all your ID. I'll hunt you down and I'll burn down your house.

Woman: Ooh, very good. You've done this before. I'm seeing some Daniel Day Lewis method acting in there, you know?

Man: [Normal voice] Well... heh, I don't like to brag... but yes, I'm pretty good at this.

Woman: That's amazing. Hey, do you have a card? I know some people in the theatre community.

Man: Well... err... the thing is... one of the important aspects of this job is that you sort of have to keep your identity a secret, you know.

Woman: Hahaha, silly me! Of course, of course. I understand.

Man: Well, OK. I have to go now.

Woman: [Sad voice] Oh, OK. Bye then.

Man: Are you all right?

Woman: Well, it's just I hate my job and my boss is a pig and my boyfriend left me a month ago.

Man: Oh, I'm so sorry.

Woman: Listen... um... are you doing anything Friday night?

Man: No... nope. Tell you what, let's get dinner. [Holding up purse] And it's on me!